This one is a hard one to write.
As I’m sure most of you know, my mum, Elaine, died when I was 17. She suffered for many years with a disease called Spinocerebellar Ataxia type 3. It is similar to MS and very cruel. I always knew from a young age that my mum wouldn’t be able to some things that other mums got to do, like take me shopping or come and buy my wedding dress with me. But despite her illness she was a really positive and upbeat person who loved going to concerts, eating exotic food and being as active as she could be in the circumstances.
This is the way I choose to remember her and recently I have been in contact with people who knew her before she was in a wheelchair, to learn more about her when she was my age and to know in what ways I’m like her.
On the night that mum died, I remember being woken up by my Dad and my Aunt at around 5 in the morning to let me know. From that point on, my phone started blowing up with messages from people sending me their love. I remember just sitting in my bedroom and listening to music; it has always been an escape for me.
If you know me, you will know I can’t go anywhere without a pair of headphones. Music can transport you into your own world and make real life seem a million miles away. I remember listening to the Fleetwood Mac song ‘Everywhere’ a lot during that time and if things got tough, I would just put on my headphones and escape.
I had always known I was a good singer and I had, at this point, already done some studio recording. I was wondering what to do with my life and I knew that if my mum was here she would tell me to follow my dreams and my heart. So, I left school at 17 and embarked on a career as a professional singer. Now, it has not been easy, far from it, but it’s going to be worth every minute of the hardships one day!
At the start of this year, I was a guest on my friend Veronica’s podcast. We discussed the way that I had dealt with the grief, and the role music played in helping me. On my most recent EP ‘ Always Remain’ there are two songs which were written about dealing with grief. The tracks are ‘Always Remain’ which is about how my mum will always be with me, and ‘Breathe’ which is about being young and losing a parent. They will both be linked below.
The podcast is called ‘Spill The EMVT’. EMVT is Veronica’s ethical clothing brand and the link to it is below. In addition, I have provided links to Veronica’s EMVT website so you too can go and buy some cool garments that are all ethically made.
This is a bit of an emotional blog! But one, I hope, you have enjoyed. If anyone is having a similar struggle, feel free to give me a message. My DM’s are always open!
Next time, I will be talking about my top 5 songwriters and my favourite songs written by them, and which songs of mine are my absolute favourites, but for now, stay safe and sending you my love!
My song Always Remain https://open.spotify.com/track/255GRcF60mNtZvybWvmkh5?si=FukxX50sQOyixgiGBlhBKw
Spill the EMVT podcast https://open.spotify.com/episode/3EfOPnXyZRRhSiDuNpQHqb?si=eKzdEmlNQwC2myyKVKQwCA
EMVT Website https://www.emvtbrand.com